His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Text me some of your sweat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
