the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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