i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
