So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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