They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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