how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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