were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
