dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
