I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
