i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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