Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
