That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize