Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
