I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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