So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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