Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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