Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
