the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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