I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
