why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
