Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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