I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
