Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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