i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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