Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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