on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
