didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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