i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
