I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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