I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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