david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
