is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
