Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
