I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
