My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
