Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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