Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
