maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
