Don't make out with my wife yet
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
