my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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