is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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