he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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