dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
