i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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