my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
