So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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