i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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