How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize