I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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