I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm really busy with my period
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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