the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
