ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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