I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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