I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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