Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
