I want to make a zoo with you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
