hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
