i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
