dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
