Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there is glitter all over my balls
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