This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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