the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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