Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
