In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
