Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
