So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
