I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
