Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
