i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
