god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
