I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
