alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
