I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
