i love accidental penises.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
